


It's what men do

by DangerRollins



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Almost smut but nope, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, bitter carl, blunt carl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-04 23:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12782220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerRollins/pseuds/DangerRollins
Summary: "Do you think this is weird? I mean...I always thought this was a girl guy type of thing.""Options are limited here. I asked Enid if she wanted to have sex and she pulled a knife on me. I haven't seen Mikey since the party when we first got here. Only option left was you.""You sure know how to make a guy feel loved.""Forgive me for not jumping for joy at the idea of fucking the guy who tried to kill me just a few months ago."





	It's what men do

**Author's Note:**

> Almost Semi smut ? *Shrug*

"Only place I could think to do it without somebody barging in is here." Carl explained as he looked around the empty room. "The armory?" Ron raised his brow. "Seriously?"

Carl sighed and rolled his eyes as he placed a hand on his hip and tapped his foot impatiently. He hated having to explain himself, especially when his logic was obvious, but he started speaking anyways. "Nobody is going to come in here. There's no need to. Since Negan took all our shit-" He cut himself off as he bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head, not even wanting to think about Negan and his stupid little minions. "Nobody is going to come in here." He stated firmly.

"Why not your room?" Ron nearly whined. Carl narrowed his eyes. "My dad or Michonne could walk in there at any moment. The door doesn't have a lock on it and even if it did my dad would know what we were up to in a second. He knows I'd never lock my door for no reason."

"What about in a different house-"

"I'm willing to bet my life that I've thought about this far more than you have, Ron." Carl spat. "I've spent the last month and a half plotting and planning and thinking and--This is the best option we got. Other houses aren't secure and can be walked into at any moment or they're already occupied. The infirmary is a big no-no for obvious reasons, so is the watchtower. I'm not going to fuck anybody in the church--"

"Why not? Sounds kind of fun." Ron smirked.

"Sounds like a one-way ticket to hell." Carl rolled his eyes. "This is the best option we got." He repeated himself slowly. Ron simply nodded as he continued to glance around the room, suddenly feeling awkward. Carl stared at him, not saying anything either. He wasn't feeling awkward, he was feeling bored. He'd been waiting for this moment for a while now and he was ready to get started, but he'd learned from hearing other people talk about sex when they thought he was sleeping or not paying attention that sex was supposed to be a very intimate thing, something that could be and was supposed to be very good, but could be very bad if not done right. He knew that for some people, sex was a nerve-wracking and stressful experience the first time, no matter how well done it was. For him, it was just another thing he had to get done. One more thing he needed to do to be considered mature, to be considered an adult and not some stupid little kid. One more thing he needed to do to take another step toward becoming a real man. He always did what he had to do. This was no different.

Plus, from the way things sounded all the times he'd woken up in the middle of the night and heard someone fucking, sex had to be pretty damn good. He imagined it was better than all the comic books, chocolate pudding and big cats in the world.

Carl sat on the ground after a moment, backing up until he was leaning against the door. He pulled his knees up to his chest and let his arms hang off of them as he watched Ron closely. He hadn't taken his eyes off the nervous boy since they'd gotten here. He hadn't taken his eyes off him for a long time, actually. He observed his every move and tried to read his mind. He wanted to say something sarcastic, but he figured now wasn't the time. This was serious and he didn't wanna be an asshole to the boy who he'd persuaded to do this with him.

"You as nervous as me?" Ron chuckled as he sat across from Carl, crossing his legs over one another. Carl shook his head and stared blankly at the boy. "Course not."

Ron rolled his eyes and let out a small breath. He wished that Carl felt the same way he did. He knew his feelings were normal and he knew that Carl was probably the weird one for not feeling nervous, but he still wished he could be as calm and cool as Carl was. Carl was always so damn brave, no matter what. He couldn't say the same for himself.

"Do you think this is weird? I mean...I always thought this was a girl guy type of thing." Ron mumbled. Carl shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes, suddenly feeling all the energy he had in him before slowly slipping out. He was mentally cursing himself for not getting enough sleep the night before. "Options are limited here. I asked Enid if she wanted to have sex and she pulled a knife on me. I haven't seen Mikey since the party when we first got here. Only option left was you." He grumbled.

"You sure know how to make a guy feel loved."

Ron tried to laugh it off but he sounded way more offended than he'd intended to. Carl opened his eyes for only a moment to glare at the dark haired boy. "Forgive me for not jumping for joy at the idea of fucking the guy who tried to kill me just a few months ago. Twice." He closed his eyes again after that and slumped down, figuring they'd be talking for a while longer rather than doing what they'd actually come here to do. He really, really, wished that he'd had more options.

"It was months ago, Carl. I said I was sorry for pulling that gun on you! I wasn't in my right mind either time, especially not the second! My mom and brother had just..." He stopped himself by letting out a frustrated breath. "...If you asked me to come here just so you could act like an ass the entire time then-"

"I'm sorry." Carl sounded monotonous as he half heartedly apologized. He really didn't want to argue with Ron, not right now. All he wanted was to do what he'd come here to do and then leave. That's it. Was it too much to ask?

"Why do you wanna do this anyways?" Ron muttered as he picked at the invisible lint on his pants. "I disgust you. You hate me. I know options are limited, but I just can't believe you'd want to do something like this...With me."

"I wanna do it because I need to. It's what men do. And I'm sure if I'd looked a little harder, maybe I would've been able to find someone else. Maybe if I'd tried a little harder I could've convinced Enid. Took her seven seconds to pull out her knife after I asked. I counted! That means she thought about it for at least a little bit." Carl smirked. "But I didn't wanna waste my energy trying to find someone else to do it with when I knew you'd agree."

Ron was offended once again. Carl sure had a way with words. He seemed to know all the wrong ones to say.

"You think I'm desperate for you or some shit? You think I'll fuck you no matter what? No matter how you treat me? You asked me because you knew I wouldn't say no? Well, fuck you! I can leave at any time!" He ranted.

Carl furrowed his brows, his eyes still closed as he brought a hand up to rub his temple. "But you won't." He stated simply. Ron didn't know how to respond. Carl was unbelievable. He was an unapologetic asshole and Ron hated him for it. He was so fucking cocky and it was so irritating. He just wanted to punch the boy in the eye sometimes. He remembered the time he had done just that and smiled.

"You think I'm attractive. You like me." Carl continued on. "You've been waiting for this to happen for a while. You're not going to leave."

Ron wanted to argue. Wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and storm out, proving Carl wrong and teaching him a valuable lesson, but he couldn't. Carl was right. He'd liked the boy from the moment he'd stepped through the gates of Alexandria, and he'd never stopped liking him, no matter how much he hated to admit it. He didn't know what it was about Carl that he liked so much. His confidence was annoying, his looks were great but there were a lot of great looking people around, his bravery was the equivalent of stupidity most times and he was too open, too willing to share his feelings while somehow failing to show how he really felt at all. Carl was a complicated nuisance, one that was easy to love.

"It's okay, Ron." Carl sighed. "I find you attractive too. If I didn't I wouldn't have asked you to come here. I dong hate you. I just hate what happened with us. I hold grudges. You tried to kill me twice. I'm allowed to be pissed off."

"You don't have to do this." Ron changed the subject as he rubbed a hand over his face, willing his blush to leave before Carl opened his eyes again and noticed. "You're already a man. You've done things...Things that a lot of people wouldn't have had the courage to do. You've already proven to everybody that you're capable of doing whatever it is that needs to be done, no matter what. Just like your dad." He muttered the last part but Carl still heard it. He was shocked to hear Ron say something like that because Ron rarely ever said anything nice about Rick. He still hated what he'd done to his family, and although he was done trying to kill the man and his son, he still wasn't a huge fan of the new leader.

"I don't need a pep talk, I need for us to get our clothes off and get this over with."

"See that's the thing, Carl." Ron huffed. "This isn't something that you should do to just 'Get it over with.' I'm not saying it has to be incredibly special, I'm not saying we need to sprinkle rose petals on the floor and light some fucking candles, I'm just saying you should at least want to do it."

"I do want to do it. That's kind of why I invited you here." Carl scoffed. Ron glared at him, although he couldn't see it. "No you don't. You want to do something that you think will make people respect you more. You wanna do it because you think you have to in order to prove something to someone. This isn't a chore, Carl. Its not something you have to do. It's not like when you're in a life or death situation and you have to kill someone to survive. It's not like that. No one is forcing you to do this. You have all the time in the world-"

"Fuck you!" Carl shouted, making the other boy flinch. "You sound so fucking stupid right now." He was visibly shaking from all the anger bubbling up inside of him already. His usually calm and cool demeanor had been shattered and turned into something fiery and hot in the matter of seconds. "I don't know if I'm going to be alive next year, next month, next week or even just tomorrow. I don't even know if I'll be alive later on today. I could be gone in the next five minutes."

"Don't-"

"Shut the hell up!" Carl yelled. "You think we're safe here? We're not! You should know that by now, Ron. Negan's men can come in here and they can kill one of us at any moment for no reason at all. Or maybe the fence will break and another fucking herd will get in and this time we won't be lucky enough to survive. Somebody could set this place on fire, somebody could get in again-"

"Carl, stop."

"It's only a matter of time before one of us is dead. Until everybody is dead. I don't wanna die a fucking virgin." He growled. Ron stared at him for a moment, observing the tears in his eyes that he was quickly trying to blink away. "People used to have bucket lists that consisted of stupid shit like skydiving and water skiing and rock climbing...You know what's on my bucket list? I wanna wake up every morning for a whole entire week and brush my teeth for two minutes and get dressed and have breakfast and I wanna do all of that without having to pick up my gun and kill something or someone or even think that I'll have to. I wanna be able to spend an entire day with Judith without having to leave her to fight off some walkers and a group of idiots who decided it would be a great idea to hop the fence and try to kill us. I wanna spend time with my dad, I want him to teach me how to drive and I want him to tell me terrible dad jokes and ask me about my love life and I want him to embarrass me in front of all the friends I don't have. I wanna celebrate holidays again. I wanna stress over what to get Michonne for Mother's Day and bug my dad to death until he finally tells me what he wants for Christmas. I wanna be forced to talk to my annoying aunts and uncles and grandparents on the phone. I wanna eat a whole bag of chips or a whole packet of Oreos without feeling guilty because I know we should be rationing. I wanna feel full and content and happy. I wanna... I wanna make it to my twentieth birthday. I wanna remember when my birthday even is." He chuckled dryly as he used the palm of his hands to wipe his eyes. "We don't have all the time in the world. Don't have any time at all."

Ron had slowly crawled towards the boy, sitting close enough that their sides were touching. Carl's hat was close to slipping off so Ron reached toward it cautiously and removed it, sitting it on the floor beside them. He slowly made himself comfortable, slumping just like Carl was and resting his head in the crook of the boy's neck. He could feel one of Carl's tears hit his cheek, and Carl must've noticed too because he muttered a quiet 'Sorry' before sniffling loudly and then stroking his cheek gently to wipe it off. Ron chuckled. "Don't be sorry. I'm happy to know you're capable of doing something other than smoldering. Few tears won't run me away."

Carl smiled but didn't say anything as he tried to stop his crying. Ron grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly, not saying anything more as he allowed Carl to take all the time he needed. He'd never seen the boy cry before and he was starting to wonder if he'd ever let himself feel sad. Apparently he did.

"Can I um...Can I tell you something else?" Carl nearly whispered. Ron nodded as he began to play with the boy's fingers. "Before I came here..." Carl sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. "It was bad. It was really bad. We didn't know where we were going, what we were doing...It was so bad out there...One night these guys—" he sucked in a sharp breath and squeezed Ron's hand before continuing. "They found us and they were gonna kill us. One of them was on me. He tried to...He was gonna rape me."

Ron's eyes widened at this but he didn't sit up to look at Carl. He figured it was probably easier for Carl to talk about such a terrible thing if he wasn't being stared at. "I was scared of it for a long time. Sex. Didn't see how anybody could like it if it was anything like that. He didn't get the chance to touch me, but I just thought...I don't know. I don't wanna be scared of it anymore. I know it can be good and I want it to be. I don't have control of a lot of stuff, but I do have control of this. I get to decide how I think and how I feel about sex if nothing else. I wanna be able to say that I had a good experience with it."

Ron rubbed s thumb over Carl's hand softly as the boy continued to cry. They stayed like that for what seemed like an extremely long time, and Ron could tell that Carl was feeling better already after finally being able to voice his thoughts.

Carl held Ron's hand tightly in his own until his tears slowed down a little. Ron was disappointed to feel Carl's smaller hand slipping out of his own, but his disappointment didn't last long as he felt Carl's hands on his face, pulling him closer, and then suddenly he felt warm, wet lips on his own.

He wasn't sure how to react at first, not really expecting it, but as he felt Carl starting to pull away he quickly started moving his lips as well. It was sweet at first, slow and meaningful, full of emotion, and it allowed them to say everything they really wanted to say to each other without actually having to talk at all. Eventually, it got a little more heated as their mouthes fell open and their tongues fought for dominance. Somehow, Ron had ended up lying on his back with Carl hovering over him, his hands being pinned down above his head by one of Carl's hands as the pale boy ran his other one over his stomach.

Ron moaned before breaking the kiss and staring up at Carl. "Carl, listen to me, we don't have to do this, okay? We're gonna be okay. We're gonna keep fighting, we're gonna keep surviving, and we're gonna keep living. You don't have to do this. We have time. I promise."

"Do you want this?" Carl questioned. Ron nodded. "Good. I do too. I do. Not just to get it over with, not just to say I did it. I want to because I like you."

"Okay." Ron whispered before leaning up to kiss Carl again.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make this into smut so bad. I fully intended to when I first started writing and I tried sooo hard! But there's something about having such a sweet moment and then turning it into smut! I'm just not there yet 


End file.
